I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
