HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You ate ashes out of my bong
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize