Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So much rum. So many feels.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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