My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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