like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
