I bet he comes in French.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
