I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
