i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
