OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize