i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
