How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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