every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize