BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Randomize
