U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
