So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
