how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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