I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
