I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
