We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
