i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
