i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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