Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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