Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
