She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
