I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
