he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
