and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
