Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
