am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
