I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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