I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Found the puke drawer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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