I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
