So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
