You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize