Your dad touched me again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
