Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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