The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
soo... how was my night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
