and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize