I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
