I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
