2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
