I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
