She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize