And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
