So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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