in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
