she was so not down for the gang bang
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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