Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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