If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize