Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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