need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
