you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
