Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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