I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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