Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
