i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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