p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
