i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
