I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
