so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
