I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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