Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
