remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
