I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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