There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
