So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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