his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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