It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
