i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is Oprah even human
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
