Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize