I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
