If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
