And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
