i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
