life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
