I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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