btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
