nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
