it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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