you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just cropdusted the office
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
