She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
