lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
