I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
