I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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