Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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