we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
