I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
