Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Randomize
