i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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