He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
