i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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