I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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